Just finished the initial salting of a 12lb prime rib roast that I'm cooking tomorrow. Later this evening after the salt does it's magic. I'll be putting a rub on it to work overnight.

Thanks man, appreciate it

I am doing the same thing with a pork loin. Tomorrow's food is going to kick ass!

sitting here. staring at the clock.

Talking with someone from Toledo, Waiting for supper to finish heating up preparing to leave for the day.

tea drinking

sittin at work. gonna be a long freakin day

preparing for a fight that i can feel is a'comin

go girl


Its 5.30am and I decided to pull an all nighter to reset my sleep clock. Been having crazy sleep patterns the last few weeks so have to get back to normal sleep routine...
Got some deeply upsetting and rather confronting news about 6weeks ago that really messed me up and sent me on a bit of a downward spiral.
It wasn't a complete shock, I had a tiny insight into the possibility and think i may have even discussed the topic briefly here a couple of years ago when my Mum was still alive, but was in no way aware of the reality of it or how it would affect me so very deeply. I went into a downward spiral, and virtually shut myself off from everyone and everything.
I've only discussed it in detail with one person, but I've still managed to put on a front that I'm alright I guess. But I've decided that this weekend I'm pulling my shit together and getting on with it.
Its been a total headfuck to say the least, and the headmiles I have done is just insane. I think I just needed to step back from the world and let myself feel what I needed to feel. And to think...and i did a whole lot of that.
But its time to come back to the world now.

its a long story, and I don't and won't ever know it all, nor the facts around it so it is hard to share it with people, especially without writing a novel... maybe i'll give it a shot when I get my head around it better and its not 530 in the am..
x


have i missed much the past month or so?

Yeah. I have a situation like you describe going on for about a year. Wishing I could "step out" that way as well, but with my work situation & being busy at home, it's hard to do, so I take it day by day. Hope whatever it is passes, or gets to where you can deal better with it.

damn bex that sounds like some heavy shit. i know we dont really talk, but my PM box is open if you ever need an ear to listen. i'm good at that. you too brother wattage!

Just got off work, watching DOAMB , and doing this training course for my work that's very redundant. It's not hard at all, but it takes forever since you have to listen to what the speaker says and can't skip to the next page until he's done speaking. The questions they ask make you feel retarded as well.

They're like If a customer asks you for ketchup do you get it for them or tell them to go get it themselves?

Another one is like when you're done stocking the meat, do you put the box of meat back where it belongs or do you leave it on the table where it's able to fall off?

gettin ready to go to the drive in. i wanna see me some chris hemsworth

sorry to hear you're goin thru the shits also Wattage Its good that you could just keep functioning at some capacity, and hats off to you too! I guess having a family and stuff really demands that you keep your shit together to a degree, but with that comes extra pressure to function cause everyone is relying on you to hold it all together. I wish I could give ya a big hug! inbox me your vents if you need to!

I've always managed to deal with shit but this just unraveled me completely, everytime I start to think about the situation i just start crying and crying so i try not to think about it, but if i'm not thinking about it then i can't deal with it
Its just fucked... the only person that can answer my questions and knows the truth and circumstances is dead. The questions will never go away, they'll always be unanswered and unresolved, and its the other people in the equation that I feel the most for, I basically got the good deal of the bigger picture and they didn't so I also have the guilt's about a lot of it.

and thank you! I really appreciate you just saying that! I may just have to take you up on the offer when I eventually figure out how to describe the situation succinctly so it doesn't take me a novel to tell the story.

xx

any time bex!

& the guilt thing...if its something caused by someone else's actions, you shouldn't have to carry that guilt burden. everyone has to make their own decisions...